My blog has been dark for a while. Mainly because I’ve been busy with entering some contests—some crazy, some real. And because I’m still suffering from the Idol results. Sure Adam will be successful, but it’s the principle of the thing: he had more talent and should have won. Sort of like how I feel about the results I got this morning about querytracker’s worst query letter contest THAT I DID NOT WIN. Nor did I win last week’s Purple Prose contest. My query sucked as much as the winners they posted, so I just don’t get why I’m not winning. And the one sentence Purple Prose? Oh, come on, I should’ve won that. I submitted a super overwritten, outstandingly purpley sentence that would make the wordiest politician proud.
Besides being one sentence of terrible, the only other rule was to include “querytracker” somewhere in the prose.
Here is my submission to the Purple Prose titled The Wedding Singer
With my matrimonial ceremony in full celebration, I now ponder the wisdom of certain anticipations and precautions taken prior involving a recipe blend of geriatric vitamins, Metamucil, and Viagra—the latter two rumbling and stirring in predictable destinations, and now no longer in complete command of my netherregions, pity the heavily inebriated guest table of querytracker just downwind from me.
As far as my worst query letter, well, you’ll just have to take my word for it because it is too long for this post. Plus I didn’t save it and can’t remember its awfulness other than to say my protagonist was a male pigeon named Petal who was humiliated by his feminine name and it was classified as every possible genre there is, thus taking up one-half the page.
So as a recap: Worst poetry X
Purple Prose X
Worst Query X
Such a waste of the worst and best talent.
Anyone else out there suffering a disappointment?