Part of devoting your life to writing a novel is shutting yourself away from the world, living in your own world. Now I think I’ve lived in my own world long enough; because now I’m paranoid. And here’s how I know: I think “they” are out to get me. (Don’t ask who “they” are.)
“They” are the forces that keep me from reaching goals: from full-on tackling my revisions so that I can query agents, from entering contests, from …
Linda and I were talking yesterday about self-sabotage, and how we are both guilty of it. I think on my end I spend hours online doing anything but revising. I blog. I visit other blogs. I visit agent blogs (my biggest time sucker). I comment on agent blogs. I enter more silly contests than serious. I join online clubs, groups, forums, critique sites, community writing sites, book reviews, ….
Then when I do take myself seriously it backfires. “I’m sorry,” says the voice on the other end of the phone, “but your submission to the essay contest you entered in May just came to us in July. The post office didn’t even apologize for hanging on to yours and eight others. I did read it though and I loved it. If you haven’t published it by our next contest please submit again. It was very lovely …”
On another contest, I needed a combined score of 300 points to qualify for finals. I got 298.
And only since I took writing seriously did the publishing world slide. I think a lot of writers are freaking on that one.
So when feedblitz sends me a new email with “more query do’s and don’ts” on their subject line, I find myself unable to resist opening, reading, then clicking onto other sites within that site, and finding that maybe I have a problem with addiction. (Admitting it is the first step.)
Here is where paranoia steps in. Could it be that agents are in on it? Could they tempt me and others online for hours to keep us from writing so they have fewer queries to field? Could it be the publishing houses are simply not taking on debut authors anymore and agents just don’t have the heart to tell us for fear of a mass suicide world-wide? “Keep em busy until the market picks up again.” They say to each other.
They invented Twitter! They invented all the distractions!
“They” are out to get me.
It’s a conspiracy. I won’t put up with it. I won’t. Crouching in corner, perspiring, laughing evilly. I won’t, I tell you. Muhahahahah …